New World-Wide Holiday
25 August of this year will mark the 140th anniversary of Mathew Webb's English Channel swim. As the future ruler of the entire world, I hereby declare that 25 August of every year shall henceforth be a new holiday known as "Marathon Swimming Founders Day" (i.e. "MSF Day") in honor of the (wo)men who got this insanity rolling. Festivities shall include, but are not limited to:
1) Posing for pictures in old-fashioned swim suits while looking very (wo)manly. Flexing encouraged.
2) The growing of Adventure Beards/Mustaches (Women might want to skip this one).
3) Drinking of brandy, a common drink during some early swims. (Skip the strychnine that some people used, please.)
4) The telling of tales of bold and (wo)manly deeds. (Outrageous lies encouraged. Sexual conquest stories allowed only if there is an heroic component.)
5) Swimming, swimming, swimming.
Your future king,
“Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.” - Oscar Wilde